My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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