Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
