dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
