i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
