i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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