And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize