new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
