hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
