We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
