i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
