sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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