My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
