So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
