walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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