When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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