Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
