Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
