stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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