Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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