Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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