i would punch a child for taco bell
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
