she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
