The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize