You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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