Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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