If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
