thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
