Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
