The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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