Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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