she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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