If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
