Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
