i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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