Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
