So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
