Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
