Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
