not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
