Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
