Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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