He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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