Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
