Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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