At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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