wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
