He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like heaven, but drunker
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
