just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
