I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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