the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
