Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
