Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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