DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
