She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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