There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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