I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
