I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
