I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
