Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
