Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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