something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
