i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize