I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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